stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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