So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize