I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Can I color on your dick again?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
