I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
