just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
