just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
