yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
