So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
