I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize