Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
