where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
