Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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