hotel room ftw
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
