Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize