I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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