i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
