I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
