"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
