i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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