dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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