WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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