remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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