Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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