I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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