i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
All I want is dick and wine.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize