I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
