he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
