all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
