Jerry, you need to find god
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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