Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We left the knife in your bed.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
