I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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