It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize