On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize