He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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