your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You are a genius and a whore.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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