Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
