My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
