Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
