there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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