I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I don't deserve a penis
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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