fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
