I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
