she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
