I am spending my child support on dildos
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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