I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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