i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
