I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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