Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
