he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
