The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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