my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
