if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
