I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
