He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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