So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
