we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
