going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
