mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
