the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
