I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
