Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
