why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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