I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
