I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
