I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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