His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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