haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
